Chapter 36: "Adulting"

Countless times I've been asked when I knew I was an adult. Until today, Tuesday at 2:36pm, I didn't have an answer. 

I was sitting in the cold pleather chair at the doctors office looking at the nurse as she pulled out her what appeared to be a footlong needle. She smirked at how squeemish I was as she prepared my arm for the shot. Apparently I never came to terms with the fact that I was actually terrified of (medical) needles prior to this day. After she drew blood, I was looking at the needle and trying to convince myself that I was strong enough to get up. Yet there I sat with my head hung between my legs; I was passed out in the cold, blue chair. I was the girl who the nurse goes home and laughs about.

That's when I knew I was an adult. 

Because I didn't have my teddy bear to hold onto any longer while getting a shot, or even better- the trip to the candy store that followed the "horrifying procedure." My mom was not there to laugh at me, only the nurse. There wasn't even a sugary drink for me so regain energy, and I had to drive myself home. Please take pity on me, this was an awful realization I had today. 

Adults spend a huge portion of their lives taking care of things they don't want to take care of and those activities seem to be occurring in my life more than ever. Mom and Dad no longer slip you a $5 when you need something for school and your fridge seems to be empty more than it's full because you still haven't figured out the whole budgeting thing. The best part is when somebody asks you to do something fun and you have to answer, "I will after my bills are paid." The cereal I just ate was paired with milk about to go bad because I hate the thought of throwing food away. My piggy bank is empty and my pockets don't have loose change because it's spent on pencils and markers. Health, mental wellbeing, rent, bills, bitchy people, crazy family, doctors, dentist...the list goes on. 

So what am I really saying? 

"Adulting" means figuring out how to make all of those components fit into your already busy life- because you have to. We have to find a way to live happily while coexisting with constant stress. It does't matter who you are, life is going to bring some type of mess upon you. There is no easy way to grow up; there's nothing that we are unable to learn from. The trick is figuring out how to smile through it all. 

Smiling ear-to-ear through a rough week, titling your head back as you laugh from your stomach, stopping to look at the beautiful sky on a sunny day are how the conflict dissipates. The smallest things are worth being celebrated otherwise all of the bad moments will cloud your eyes with tears and your stomach will become a well of negative feelings.  Somebody once told me, "make every small win a victory."