Dear Rainmaker

Hey you, 

yes- you! The one trying to rain on my parade? Some may refer to you as my, "hater" but I'd like to give you a different name. I haven't figured out what it would be yet but, "hater" has such a notoriously negative connotation attached to it... But in reality your negativity is helping me quite a bit.

I'd like to thank you. Your hate always seems to come around when I'm either feeling a little bit too prideful or when I'm experiencing a period of tremendous self-doubt. I hear all of the lovely things you say, "I think it's funny that her internship didn't work out" or, "I have no idea why she would ever go into fashion, she has no style." Sometimes your bitterness calls me to humble myself; when you think you're on top of your game you must be reminded that your head may be getting obnoxiously big. Confidence is necessary, but arrogance leads to one's demise and it stunts your growth. This balance between confidence and humility is something I always have to be conscious of moving forward in my career. Your negative remarks always remind me that I really do suck sometimes, thus causing my head to shrink when it's inflating. 

But please, don't think I'm too proud all the time...There are an exponential amount of bad days verses good ones. These days are filled with anxiety, self-doubt, and panic about what I'm doing with my life. Sometimes those feelings are binding, almost oppressive... and at these times I'm usually fortunate enough to hear the brutal comments made about me. For a hot second my blood pressure rises and my anger flares... but almost immediately that strong emotion is channeled into my work. I immediately work harder and longer to show you that I can and will achieve the goals I set for myself. It's a direct correlation: if I'm experiencing a period of self-doubt and hear about how many people are throwing insults at me, my quality of work automatically increases. The self-doubt fades and the gossip acts as an extreme motivator. Thank you for telling me how little talent I have, it may have contributed to another success. 

I've noticed something about you too though...you are hurting. Instead of verbally killing me you must go lose yourself in your own amazing work. Whether you're working along side of me or 20,000 miles away from me, work with passion and be ambitious! There is nothing besides yourself keeping you from the goals you wish to achieve. "Never let it get away" from you; find what you were made to do and do a lot of it. That way you can stop talking about me and start talking about what you love; it will leave you feeling exhilarated and joyous.

I don't want to call you a "hater"...So I've coined the term rainmaker- I think it sounds nicer. I want you to know that your bitterness is okay. I don't appreciate it, but in a twisted way it does help. You never let my head grow to large and you never let me wallow in a pool of self-doubt; because of you I'm right where I need to be in order to make this lifelong dream come true. My dream will never get away from me because I've learned how to withstand your bitterness and doubt in my abilities. So thank you, I could not be more grateful. 

xoxo,

Yours Truly  

Source: http://ashleyromasko.ashley/dearrainmaker